Adult orphan connection

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There are two big news stories currently consuming America, both involving Ukraine. The Barnetts were charged last month for allegedly leaving her to fend for herself in an Indiana apartment when they moved to Canada. A Daily Mail article about the case drew eerie comparisons to the horror movie Orphanin which a year-old mentally ill woman pretends to be a 9-year-old who gets adopted by a couple, then proceeds to torment and manipulate the family until they collapse under the weight of her deceit.

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But ready or not, the end came in December The book, published by Basic Books, is due in bookstores this week. And maybe healthier too.

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You will likely become an orphan at some point in your lifetime. Hopefully that time comes later rather than sooner in life. My husband and I lost three of our parents in our late 20s and early 30s.

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The word "orphan" summons images of bereft children, not middle-age adults, but when Martin Auz lost both his parents inthe husband and father was struck by the realization that he was now an orphan. Customs official who lives in the Chicago suburb of Homewood. Auz's reaction to the death of his last parent is far from unique, according to grief counselors and bereavement experts.

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If only it were that simple. Psychologists warn that the impact of losing your parents goes way beyond organizing the funeral and sorting out the will. It might be the natural order of things that parents die before their children, but the sheer inevitability is no cushion to the pain, soulsearching and sheer feeling of rudderlessness that so often happens.

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And while society recognises the loss that children feel when their parents die, adults are supposed to be fundamentally different, quickly dealing with the grief of losing the people that raised them from the cradle. If only it were that simple. Psychologists warn that the impact of losing your parents goes way beyond organising the funeral and sorting out the will.

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Cookbook author Nandita Godbole has experienced this first-hand. Her affluent Indian family, who generally had hired cooks in their homes, disapproved of her choice of profession. By working with food, she was going against their expectations.

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This is another thing they never tell you about death: how, logistically, getting rid of two-and-a-half kilos of ground Mum is a nightmare. Firstly, it is never in an urn: the crematorium presents it to you in a practical-looking if grey-around-the-edges plastic tub, with a plastic bag inside it as rudimentary spill insurance. Then you have to get the old band together again, ie get all the family to one chosen place to reverently pour dust on the ground.

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Jon Hamilton. Tom Szalay hide caption. Parents do a lot more than make sure a child has food and shelter, researchers say. They play a critical role in brain development.

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